


Five times where Penelope attempts to set up Emily and JJ (and the one time she accidentally succeeds)

by Foxycasbones



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, BAU as a family, Comedy, F/F, Fluff, Garcia is up to scheming, Romance, Scheming, this is a silly fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:41:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24510967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Foxycasbones/pseuds/Foxycasbones
Summary: Garcia is fed up with Emily and JJ. These ladies need to get together STAT. So, she decides to do something about it.Features: Bets, flirty JJ, Spence critising blockbusters, scheming, Hotch being all knowing, terrible plans and lots more.
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 42
Kudos: 286





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> So, here I am. I haven't written a proper fic since 2013, but here I am again. This should have about 6 to 7 chapters if you include the prologue and epilogue.
> 
> I hope you enjoy :) 
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated!

Penelope Garcia loved her friends dearly. They were the smartest and most interesting bunch she ever had the privilege of meeting let alone spending time with. Yet, sometimes a room full of profilers couldn’t figure out the elephant in the room to save a life. Garcia was in the midst of describing yet another run of the mill let’s-torture-and-kill-women case of the week when she noticed that her two best friends were sneaking each other not-so-inconspicuous glances.

This would be fine, except that fact that they never seemed to catch each other staring. Garcia shook her head and filed it away for later use because there were more pressing matters to deal with at the moment. Those women deserved her full attention.

‘The UnSub sticks to a rigorous schedule. He kidnaps them once a week almost always between 1 to 2 pm. The women are found a day later and you can see the horrible pictures behind me.’ The agents’ attention shifted to the pictures that were displayed on the screen behind Penelope.

‘The plastic wrapping around each of the women indicates that the UnSub might feel some remorse towards his victims,’ Emily remarked, her eyes trained on the horrific pictures ‘and he certainly has a type as he has only targeted brunettes.’

‘I have heard enough. The UnSub usually abducts his targets on Saturdays and it’s Friday now. Garcia, I want you with us on this case. Wheels up in 30.’ With a resolute nod from Hotch, the team gathered their paperwork and stood up. Everyone wanting to get there as soon as possible.

Garcia felt excited yet intimidated. Fieldwork was daunting, but this gave her ample opportunity to study Emily and JJ’s behavior more closely. Guess who is going to get profiled now, huh?

***

The case had turned out to be a tough one, but fortunately, the team had been able to catch the UnSub and his partner just in time to save Amber. The group was on the plane back to Quantico. There was a nice atmosphere in the jet. Hotch was focused on his paperwork. Spencer and Rossi were sleeping in their respective seats and Morgan was engrossed in a novel he was reading. JJ and Emily were yet again playing the endless hide and seek staring game. 

Emily was typing on her laptop and JJ was obviously struggling with a Sudoku that she had borrowed from Spencer. Garcia observed the two women’s behavior. JJ kept sneaking looks at Emily over the edge of her Sudoku booklet and whenever Emily wasn’t working she smiled softly at the then focused face of JJ.

These women had been working together for years and even though neither had ever mentioned anything about being remotely bi-curious, Garcia’s Spidey Senses were tingling. Not even tingling, all the alarm bells were going off. Garcia let out a frustrated sigh. Why didn’t they ever catch each other staring? Weren’t these two doofuses trained to notice the details? The FBI had really better step up their game with their training because these two women wouldn’t even realize that they were madly in love with each other unless the other confessed. Well, that was never going to happen.

Maybe, just maybe they merely needed a push in the right direction. Garcia wondered if it was time to assist her dear friends. A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.

‘Garcia, why are you staring and smiling like that?’ JJ suddenly asked, startling Garcia out of her conspiracies.

‘Sorry, I must have blanked. I was thinking about a scene in Doctor Who.’ JJ hated all things SciFi, so hopefully this easy lie would work.

‘...Sure.’ JJ seemed to have bought it, but she still eyed Garcia suspiciously. Garcia was glad that Spencer was vast asleep otherwise he would have inquired into what scene she was referring to.

After a little while, JJ returned her focus to the incredibly difficult Sudoku. Garcia pretended to be busy on her laptop so that she could think in peace. She needed to be subtle about this, but honestly, subtlety wasn’t her strength. She liked to be direct, but Emily was a very private person and JJ seemed to be a hopeless romantic.

‘Em, could you take a look at my Sudoku, because I am stuck and I don’t want to show it to Spencer as he will complete it within a fraction of a second.’ Garcia kept typing on her laptop while she eavesdropped on her friends.

‘Sure, but don’t you know I suck at math?’

‘You know, you don’t need math for Sudoku, right?’

Emily scoffed and said ‘Of course, but anything with numbers eludes me. Let me take a look.’

‘I suddenly don’t trust you with this anymore.’ JJ looked at the other woman skeptically, but she was smiling coyly.

‘You shut it. Hand it over.’ Emily tried to grab the booklet but JJ dodged her and wrapped her arms protectively around the booklet.

‘Nah, I’m good. I’m sure you have many other qualities.’

‘Such as…?’ Emily leaned forward. The sexual tension was almost palpable and even Garcia could feel the woman’s anticipation. 

‘Uh…’ Garcia mentally slapped JJ. This would have been a perfect moment and nobody besides yours truly would have noticed.

‘Wow, JJ, you really know how to make a woman feel good about herself.’ The dark-haired woman leaned back and folded her arms. 

‘Oh, I know how to make a woman feel good about herself.’ JJ winked at Emily in an obvious attempt to flirt, but the woman didn’t notice. Garcia’s eyes widened as this confirmed that Garcia’s suspicions that JJ was bisexual. After Will had left JJ had suddenly become close with a dark-haired woman who worked in the office downstairs. However, that friendship didn’t last very long as one day JJ had gone from talking about Jessie non-stop to not mentioning her ever again. 

‘Ha, did you still need me to take a look?’ Emily asked. 

‘Nah, I think I see my mistake now.’ JJ sighed dejectedly and returned to her Sudoku. Emily furrowed her brow in confusion but returned her attention to her laptop. Garcia was blatantly staring at the interaction at this point. How dense could a person possibly be?

Setting these women up was going to be harder than Garcia had originally thought.


	2. 1. The Secret Admirer

It was a slow day. Each member of the team was at their desk busy working on the endless amounts of paperwork. It never seemed to end. Garcia observed her friends as she stood in the glass doorway holding her British teacup in one hand and mail on the other hand.

Today she had kindly offered to bring some mail to her colleagues. This was simply an innocent and altruistic act. No schemes were involved. None whatsoever. The envelope she had inconspicuously slipped in among the other letters was not addressed to JJ at all.

‘Hi gang, I’m here with your mail.’ Her colleagues looked up in confusion.

‘That is rather unlike you Garcia. You hate the mail sorting department. You have said so on many occasions.’ Spencer commented. Garcia could sometimes strangle her friend. Why did he always have to call out everything? She smiled her sweetest smile and retorted ‘People change, Boy Wonder. I have decided that my hatred of the mailroom is no longer going to define me as a person.’

She put her tea on Derek’s desk and began handing out the mail while making sure that JJ was received her mail somewhere in the middle of her rounds. Garcia needed to be Ms. Subtlety for this mission. No one could notice.

When she was done she sat on the edge of Derek’s desk and sipped her tea. JJ was going through her mail until she suddenly stopped. The blonde opened the envelope and read the letter, her face showed obvious confusion. 

‘What’s that JJ?’ Asked Morgan, who was now regarding the blonde with mild interest. Garcia rolled her eyes. The amazing team of the BAU would notice an out of the ordinary letter, but they didn’t notice that JJ and Emily were most definitely in love with each other. 

‘Uh, nothing.’

‘Oh, you can’t fool me Jareau.’ Now the entire team was regarding the interaction intently.

‘Well, it’s private.’ JJ blushed

‘Now you are blushing.’ Derek nodded at Emily who was sitting behind JJ and she touched JJ on her shoulder. The blonde was momentarily distracted and Derek reached over his desk and snatched the mysterious letter. The perfect ruse. Garcia watched with amusement as the situation in front of her unfolded. Hotch had even appeared in the doorway of his office. The man showed no expression on his face. 

‘You guys are the worst.’

‘You love us, Jennifer.’ Emily remarked with a playful grin as Derek started to read the letter out loud. 

‘Dear Jennifer, you are forever my beauty. I love the way you smile and the way your blue eyes look into my soul.’ Derek wiggled his eyebrows at JJ, though that was useless as her hands were covering her face. Derek continued ‘I even love it when you eat Hot Cheetos. You are the light of my day and I am too afraid to tell you how I feel. Perhaps one day I will have enough courage to talk to you. Your Secret Admirer.’

Garcia observed a whole cascade of actions. Everything happened at once. Derek made eye contact with Emily with an obvious accusatory stare, Reid grabbed the letter and started to analyze the syntax and Hotch shook his head and smiled at Rossi. JJ looked up, her cheeks were pink, but she seemed almost giddy. Garcia’s suspicions of JJ being that good ole romantic had been proven correct. 

‘Oh wow, girl. Someone has it bad for you.’ Derek winked at his colleague.

‘It’s so romantic, don’t you think?’ Garcia commented fake dreamily. 

‘Are we sure this is not from an UnSub?’ Emily coldly remarked. Garcia could tell that her friend was incredibly jealous.

‘No, don’t be silly.’ Garcia remarked. Damnit she hadn’t considered that the room full of profilers would immediately assume that there was some evil about. 

‘Well, it must have been someone from within the FBI, as the envelope doesn’t have any stamps. Hey Hot Mama, did you see anything out of the ordinary when you picked up the mail? Or did anybody ask you to take extra mail?’ Derek questioned her. There was a suspicious look on his face. 

‘No, hotness. Though, I can’t say I would have noticed anything out of the ordinary as this is one of the first times I have done this.’ Hopefully, her colleagues would not immediately pin this on her. 

Garcia noted that Emily was glaring into blank space as she had suddenly grown silent. The others definitely hadn’t noticed this.

‘The author of the letter knows JJ personally. I can deduce that from the usage of ‘Jennifer’ and the comment about the Hot Cheetos. We all know you love those chips, but only Emily calls you Jennifer in our immediate team.’ Reid stated when he had finished studying the letter.

All eyes turned to their dark-haired colleague who seemed somewhat bewildered. Garcia felt a slight pang of regret, as she hadn’t intended to make her friend feel put on the spot. 

‘Em?’ JJ asked tentatively. 

‘I didn’t write that. Just because someone used your first name does not make it me.’ Garcia was certain that JJ appeared to be a bit disappointed. Derek caught the disappointment, as well and made eye contact with Garcia and raised his eyebrows in understanding. 

‘OK. Well, thank you all for indulging yourselves into my private life. I would like to get back to work.’ JJ said with a stern voice. 

‘Aww you are so adorable, JJ.’ Garcia commented after she sipped her green tea ‘You have got a secret admirer. I wonder who it could be.’ JJ was flustered and kept sneaking glances at Emily who was trying her best to appear immersed in her paperwork. 

Garcia had already made more progress than she had anticipated thanks to their local Sherlock Holmes. Hopefully, this would set the romance into motion. JJ had believed that Emily was her secret admirer even if it had been for a mere moment. This proved to Garcia that she was on the right track. 

Hopefully, the two women would talk to each other and share their feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying the story! Feedback is always welcome :) 
> 
> Thank you for reading :D


	3. 2. The shopping trip

Of course, nothing happened. 

Several weeks had passed and Garcia was brainstorming for a plan B. There had to be something she could do. The question is what would work? She heard the door open behind her. Perhaps it was Kevin who required her attention, but just as a precaution, she covered the list with her hand.

‘You are scheming.’ It wasn’t a question, but it was a matter of fact statement. Garcia would recognize the voice of Derek Morgan anywhere in the world. 

‘I am not, lover. How could you insinuate that I am capable of such egregious actions?’ Garcia playfully countered. Her friend sat down on the desk chair next to hers. Whenever he was around Garcia felt a certain peace, as if they were in their one little bubble of teasing. She could not believe they were friends sometimes. 

‘Oh, Baby Girl, you have never been able to hide anything from me. Also, your hand is covering that Post It note. So, spill.’

‘My dear Chocolate Thunder, I could never hide anything from you.’ She winked at Derek and explained. ‘OK, so I might be trying to set up JJ and Emily.’ Derek did a double take, but he regained his composure within a fraction of a second. The man leaned forward and clasped his hands together.

‘Of all things, I was not expecting this,’ He said after a moment of silence ‘though, I am not surprised.’

‘Emily and JJ have been into each other for the last few months and their lovey-dovey staring is driving me nuts. So, I have decided to take matters into my own hands.’ Garcia gave her friend the brightest of smiles and handed him the mostly empty Post It note. Realization dawned on Derek and he stated. ‘The letter. That was you.’

‘Of course, it was, and it almost worked too. If Emily had just said yes, then I would have been planning their wedding right at this moment.’

‘Emily would never admit something like that in public, Sweetness.’ Perhaps having Derek on her side would benefit her cause. He knew Emily like no one else and they were partners. She could use this to her advantage unless Derek was not keen on joining her in her schemes. 

‘I need you.’ Garcia leaned closer to her friend.

‘I yearn for you too, Baby Girl.’ He, in turn, did so too. Anyone who would walk into the office would believe that they were about to make out. 

‘Oh, you know you could never handle this Goddess, but what I meant was I need your help with this. You know Emily and I know JJ. Together we can make this work. We would be like Catwoman and Batman. Me being Batman, of course!’ Derek chuckled at her comment and remarked ‘You are crazy, you know that, right?

‘So, what do you think, Chocolate Six-Pack?’ 

‘All right. I’m in because I want my ladies to be happy and I don’t understand why they don’t take the next step. Even Reid has noticed that something is going on between them and that boy is as emotionally stunted as a Golden Retriever. However, I highly doubt that this plan is going to work. Emily is never going to admit to her feelings. It took me three years to figure out her birthdate.’ 

‘Do I sense a bet coming on?’ Garcia smiled with delight. She loved scheming.

‘I wouldn’t want it any other way.’ 

‘JJ will be the first one to confess her feelings.’ 

‘I believe our ever-stoic Emily might surprise us.’ 

‘So, what does the winner get?’

‘100 dollars.’

‘Deal. Let’s get to work.’ 

The two of them shook hands and things got interesting. 

***

The shopping mall was relatively quiet. The fact that it was a Tuesday morning definitely explained that. There was one upside to working with an irregular schedule, as whenever Garcia was free everybody was usually at work. This allowed her to do her shopping in peace. Though shopping was not the goal of this trip for her, but JJ and Emily weren’t aware of this. 

Her plan was simple. Take the ladies shopping, then take them to a lingerie and sex store and make them try things on. This would drive them crazy and then Garcia would suddenly have to go and the two would be left to their own devices. Derek would join her then and they would tail their friends. This had to work. Garcia felt giddy with excitement because she felt as if she were in a spy movie. 

The three women were sitting at a table in the food court. JJ was sipping on her banana milkshake while she was sneaking glances at Emily. The dark-haired woman was focused on consuming her cheeseburger. Garcia appreciated the woman’s dedication to her…breakfast?

‘I don’t understand how you could eat a cheeseburger for breakfast, Em.’ JJ remarked casually.

‘I have got a big appetite.’ Emily said while chewing on her burger. She added an exaggerated moan which was done to annoy JJ.

‘Yes, I can see that.’ JJ remarked coolly. 

‘You’re just jealous. Do you want a bite?’ Emily looked pleased with herself.

‘I’m not! But I never say no to a cheeseburger.’ Emily held out her cheeseburger and JJ took a bite. The sexual tension was almost too much for Garcia to handle on a Tuesday morning. The two women were stuck in their endless flirting bubble and it was obvious that they had forgotten that Garcia was there.

‘Oh, it is very delicious indeed.’ JJ licked her lips seductively and Emily sputtered for a moment but regained herself. 

‘Hypocrite.’ JJ put on a mock offended expression, but she was smiling, nonetheless. 

‘You two, please get it on already.’ Garcia could not keep her mouth shut. This could be seen as an anthropological experiment, maybe the explicit way would work. Both women stammered at Garcia’s comment.

‘Ha, you are so funny Garcia.’ JJ said too loudly, and Emily nodded eagerly.

‘Well, I have to give it to you Em. The burger tastes great even though it’s 11 AM.’ JJ whose cheeks were still slightly pink, was not even trying to hide the fact that she changed the topic. Emily smiled ‘See 

Garcia was astounded. She had really thought that her friends would try to talk about it a bit more or come up with excuses, but they simply pretended nothing had happened. They were both so deep in denial. 

***  
A little while later the three found themselves in front of the mall’s lingerie and sex shop. Emily stopped and looked hesitantly at her friends ‘Do you want to go in here?’ She asked.

‘Yes, my dear. I need to get some stuff and I need my ladies’ advice.’

‘Oh my. Emily are you scared?’ JJ chuckled as Emily got flustered. 

‘No, of course not.’ Emily huffed indignantly and Garcia could have sworn that her friend’s voice was an octave higher. JJ noticed too, as she and Garcia shared a knowing smile. 

‘What do you need anyway?’ Emily added, eyeing the store as if it had personally offended her. Garcia found this surprising as she had guessed that JJ would be shyer in this situation.

‘Oh, just some small things.’

‘This does not make me feel better in the slightest.’

‘Well then, if that matter has been resolved, shall we?’

‘It hasn’t been resolved.’

‘Oh, lighten up Emily. This could be fun! By the way it would be fun to see you in some lingerie. And Garcia, of course.’ JJ commented and winked at her both of her friends as she held the door to the store open for them. Garcia was positive that Emily was about to spontaneously combust as she stood there gawking at JJ, and she had to give her friend a gentle push to get her moving. 

OK, JJ most definitely wasn’t the shy one. It almost seemed impossible that Emily didn’t notice JJ’s come ons. Her friends were hopeless. Why wouldn’t they just talk? Or lock lips? Was it too much to ask for her friends to do the kissing themselves or did Garcia have to force them to kiss at gun point? Garcia shook her head and wondered whether it ever would have to come to that. She mentally added this to her list of ‘last resort’ ideas.

The store was discreet and elegant, Garcia noted. She hadn’t been there before, JJ, on the other hand had without a doubt been there before, as she immediately headed towards the lingerie. This surprised Garcia, yet she reveled in the fact that she learned new things about her friends every day even after so many years. 

‘Let’s do this. What’s the special occasion for anyway?’ JJ asked while she was busy looking at lace bras.

‘I just felt like something new. I was thinking of one nice set. How about you, JJ?’

‘Yeah, it’s been a while so I should get a set, as well.’ 

Oh, Emily you must pick out something too! This has been on my not-really-but-really bucket list. 

‘You have trying on lingerie with us on your bucket list?’ Emily raised her eyebrows in question. 

‘Don’t you have it on yours? Or does that simply involve JJ?’ The last bit Garcia loudly whispered, but JJ had already made her way to a fitting room. 

‘I-I am not even going to respond to that.’ Emily put her hands on her hips to seem more certain of herself, though Garcia was wondering who she was trying to convince at this point. 

‘You just did, love.’ Garcia winked at her and she turned back to her friend. The plan seemed to be working and Garcia might get a nice bra out of this deal. She couldn’t wait to tell Morgan about this two birds in one stone type of deal she had struck here. The women were all focused on their tasks in relative peace, as Garcia was busy scouring the store for a nice pink bra, Emily awkwardly staring at a nice black lace bra and JJ was busy in the fitting room. After several minutes and the occasional annoyed grunt from JJ, the blonde emerged from the fitting room. 

Garcia couldn’t have asked for a better Christmas present and it was mid July. 

JJ emerged from the fitting room in and Emily appeared to have lost all ability of breathing. Garcia whistled at her friend and not-so-innocently asked her friend ‘You look great, JJ. Would you give us a twirl?’ JJ smiled and did what was asked.

‘Does it look good?’ She asked softly, looking a bit unsure of herself. 

‘You- uh - the bra is great, Jennifer.’ Emily stammered. 

‘Great!?! JJ, you look breathtaking. You need to get it. You could seduce anyone you want in this. Anyone!’ Garcia all but yelled at her friend while gesturing to Emily. She wondered whether either woman had noticed her increased encouragement for romance or the obvious hints.

‘The guy who will get to see you in this is one lucky…guy.’ Apparently not. Garcia used all her power to refrain from facepalming in front of them. JJ frowned at Emily’s comment, but she nodded in agreement ‘Yeah, for sure.’. 

‘Em, now it’s your turn! Try something on.’ JJ quickly added as she stepped into the changing room. Emily looked as if she was a deer caught in headlights, but after a second, she regained some composure and got to work. The dark-haired woman picked a purple bra and made her way to the fitting rooms. 

After a minute or so JJ and Emily reemerged simultaneously from their respective fitting rooms. JJ stopped and stared at her colleague, in what Garcia could only describe in a not-very-colleague-friendly way. Emily asked ‘So, what do you think?’.

‘Hot.’ JJ had apparently lost her filter, but she went with it and added ‘Very alluring. You must get this.’ Emily smiled the sincerest smile Garcia had seen in a very long time. 

The tension in the room was almost palpable, but yet again nothing happened. Emily politely thanked JJ and quickly returned to her fitting room. Garcia had been sure that making the ladies see each other in lingerie would unleash their unbridled sexual tension. However, Emily’s willpower had been tested. The woman’s resolve was weakening while on the other hand JJ was becoming bolder with her attempts at flirting. 

Baby steps, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Garcia's antics will continue in the next chapter!
> 
> I hope you are enjoying the story :) Feedback is always appreciated!


	4. 3. Girls Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am enjoying writing fic again and I hope you are enjoying reading it.

3\. Girls Night  
The case had been a particularly tough one, as they had lost the victims and the UnSub had died at the scene. On cases like this, no one felt a sense of completion that they all craved, but that was one of the downsides of the job. 

All of them dealt with it in different ways. Reid would try to drown himself in math philosophy, while Derek would hit the town for a one-night stand. Rossi would go to a forgotten bar and lament on the past and Hotch would go home early to spend some time with Jack. The women would usually get together, drink copious amounts of alcohol and watch horrible 90s romcoms. 

So, that was the plan for evening. Garcia did not have a plan in the works. It turned out that she was terrible at scheming and Morgan was no help either. Nothing had changed and the two women were still doing their endless dance and to be honest, it was driving Garcia insane.

The tech analyst was making herself a cup of tea when Reid entered the room with the kitchenette. He held out his cup and Garcia instinctively filled his cup. After so many years words were no longer needed for simple actions such as this. 

‘Have you made any progress on your endeavor, Garcia?’ Her friend asked thereby breaking the silence. The question vexed Garcia, but she took a moment to throw her tea bag away.

‘What endeavor?’ She finally asked.

‘In getting JJ and Emily together.’ This statement shocked her, as she had anticipated that Spencer was the least likely candidate to catch onto her plan. Apparently, she had been proven wrong.

‘How?’ That was all she could utter at that moment, but Reid answered without missing a beat, ‘How did I know? Well, it was quite simple actually. I know the letter was, in fact, you, because I recognized your syntax and word usage. In addition to that, I know you and Morgan were busy planning something and you have been staring at JJ and Emily more frequently lately. So, did you succeed?’ 

‘Nothing escapes you, Boy Wonder. And to answer your question, no. I have not succeeded yet.’ As Garcia got a hold of herself again, Derek entered the already crowded room.

‘So much scheming going on here in the FBI’s coffee corner. I would almost think I am at the CIA.’ Derek winked at his friends while he poured himself some coffee.

‘Spencer knows about my plan. I thought I was all secretive and mysterious!’ Derek laughed and shook his head as he wrapped his arm around Reid’s shoulder. 

‘Actually, you have been quite obvious. I am certain that Rossi and even Hotch have noticed. In fact, I think Prentiss and JJ are the only ones who have not noticed anything so far, which is surprising as they usually catch onto these types of things first. Perhaps as they are the current subject to these so-called schemes, they are not aware of them. 

‘How did the shopping work out?’ Derek asked while taking a sip from his coffee. 

‘I failed horribly. JJ has been flirting a lot, but Emily just shuts down. It’s like her brain blue screens and then she says something really awkward. It was very frustrating. It was like a frustrating mating ritual, like I don’t know which animals rarely –.’

‘Pandas.’ Reid cut in as Garcia finished with ‘- mate.’

‘Thanks, Spencer.’ She added with a smirk.

‘You’re welcome. What is the next course of action?’ 

‘I really don’t know. I mean we have a Girls’ night tonight, but I don’t know what I can do.’ Garcia sighed. She had been wracking her brain for days on end. Who knew that scheming was so difficult?

‘Get them really very drunk and then watch a lesbian romcom? Maybe they will even talk about their feelings.’ Derek suggested. 

‘Derek Morgan, you are hot and a true genius. What else could a woman want?’ Garcia all but squealed and gave her friend a half hug. She was always looking for an excuse to touch his abs. Derek had great abs. 

‘Keep the compliments coming, Baby Girl.’ He smiled knowingly at her. Derek could always see through her every action. 

‘I have one problem, though. I haven’t seen any lesbian romcoms. Do those even exist?’ 

‘You could watch Imagine Me and You.’ Reid answered.

‘Should I even ask why you can easily name a lesbian romcom?’ To say Garcia was surprised yet not surprised at all was an understatement. 

‘JJ mentioned it to me once. I watched it and I have to say while the plot was poorly written the actors and characters were charming. You should watch this one, as most lesbian romcoms end with one of them turning straight or ending up dead at the end, and this has a happy ending.’ The man explained in a matter of fact tone. 

‘How do you know all of this?’ Derek asked and he obviously had trouble keeping the amusement out of his voice. 

‘After I watched the movie, I got curious to see if it was a popular subgenre. Then I stumbled onto some books and websites which explored lesbian media. A very interesting topic if I might say so myself.’ Spencer clarified while smiling somewhat sheepishly. 

‘Never change, Spence.’ Derek remarked.

Thus, the plan was created. Time to watch a movie about ladies kissing with the ladies who really needed to get their kissing on.

*** 

‘You picked a lesbian romcom?’ Emily asked incredulously while she was staring at the DVD box. The women on the cover seemed very happy, Garcia noted. She felt a bit anxious, because she hadn’t seen the movie yet and she couldn’t handle tear jerkers. 

‘Yes, I thought it seemed adorable.’ Garcia quipped as she poured herself some more white wine. 

‘Oh, I have seen it. It’s so cute!’ Emily raised an eyebrow at JJ, but she was smiling softly at her friend.

‘Em, don’t give me that look. I just really love Anthony Head, OK? You know, he’s one of my favorite actors!’ JJ gave a pout and she cuddled her pillow. Garcia wished the blonde would cuddle Emily instead. A girl can dream, right?

The women were all set up in Emily’s living room, all of them fit on the not very comfortable couch together. Emily’s glass coffee table was barely visible due to all the snacks and the copious amounts of different types of alcohol. All of them were wearing PJs and were snuggled together under a warm blanket. Everything seemed like a typical Girls night, but Garcia had a plan. 

‘All right, let’s do this.’ Emily smiled and pressed play.

Garcia observed the women as they watched the movie. The frequent glances continued while the women commented on the plot and the level of hotness of each of the actors. JJ was getting bolder with her obvious gayness as she kept commenting on how attractive the women were. Emily, on the other hand, was much more critical of the movie and its plot and didn’t react to JJ’s remarks, except the occasional raise of an eyebrow. 

JJ and Garcia sang along the title song as the movie ended. The three women were all rather tipsy by now and even Emily joined in with the singing albeit it was almost inaudible. 

‘So, if you had to choose. Which Luce or Rachel?’ Garcia asked with the most innocent look she could muster. 

‘Hmmm, you know, Rachel is great, but I prefer Luce. I can’t resist Lena Headey. I love myself a strong woman.’ Garcia almost fainted as JJ directed, what could only be described as a smolder, at Emily. The dark-haired woman blushed at JJ’s remark and rolled her eyes as she said ‘Oh, come on. Rachel is much more attractive. I like more gentle women.’.

Garcia was, honest to god, about to implode. Did she dare to ask them the burning question?

‘What about you, Garcia?’ JJ asked. Garcia could slap herself, because she had lost the opportunity to ask them about their respective sexualities. 

‘Uh, I have to say, I find both women appealing, but Anthony Head is the one who captured my attention.’ This definitely wasn’t a lie and she remembered that JJ had mentioned something about Buffy the Vampire Slayer, so she had to check that show out.

‘Anthony Head is great! So, what shall we do now?’ JJ asked with a bright smile. Her cheeks were pink from the alcohol. 

‘I don’t know.’ Emily shrugged.

‘Well, I have an idea.’ Garcia casually suggested as she mentally thanked Derek and Spencer for their never-ending wisdom. 

‘Spill.’ Emily leaned forward. 

‘Never have I ever.’ Garcia stated and JJ clapped excitedly.

‘Sounds good. I will get my shot glasses and something to drink.’ Emily got up from the couch and went to the kitchen. 

‘I haven’t played this game since college. I love it!’ JJ exclaimed. 

‘Yeah, me neither.’

‘Oh, I love you, Garcia! You are such a good friend.’ JJ embraced Garcia tightly and she realized that JJ was drunker than she had realized. This could work in her favor. 

‘Oh, I love you too, honey.’ Then suddenly JJ planted a big fat kiss on Garcia’s cheek just as Emily reentered the room. Garcia turned beet red as she made eye contact with Emily, who seemed a bit miffed. Though, it was hard to tell, because Emily always hid her feelings like no one else on the planet. JJ’s drunken actions definitely didn’t work in the plan’s favor Garcia cursed to herself.

‘I’ve got the shot glasses. And some vodka.’ Emily stated as if nothing had happened. JJ let go of Garcia and grabbed the bag of Hot Cheetos. Garcia wondered if her plan had completely fallen apart, but she was too tipsy to care at the moment and she focused on having a good time. 

‘Great! Who is going to start?’ Garcia asked.

‘I will. Never have I ever been drunk.’ JJ said with a stupidly big smile on her face. All the women drank. Garcia and JJ shuddered as they swallowed the vodka, yet Emily straight up downed it without a flinch. 

‘Oh lame, JJ. Now, it’s my turn. Never have I ever kissed Derek Morgan.’ Garcia said and she took a shot, but to her surprise so did Emily and JJ. 

‘On the cheek.’ The two women said in unison. Garcia nodded and filed that information away for a later date. She and Hot Chocolate needed to have a talk. 

‘Never have I ever been so drunk that I lost most if not all my clothing.’ JJ said and only Garcia drank. The two other women opened their mouths in shock as Garcia added ‘Well, it was that one time and it was only my underwear.’

‘I need the details. Here I have a good one. Never have I ever slept with a woman.’ Garcia could cheer, because both JJ and Emily did a shot, while awkwardly avoiding the others’ gaze.  
‘Now, those details I need. My life depends on it.’ She begged them.

‘My sex life is private.’ Emily offered in a monotone voice while JJ exclaimed ‘Same here!’ 

‘Please! I need to know!’ Garcia added a pout for extra flair, but she knew it was never going to work. Emily and JJ shook their heads and continued with the game. Though, nobody could deny the tension in the room, but the three women kept up their questions for a little while longer. 

Garcia knew that neither of them was going to budge if she continued questioning them about this at that moment. She needed to corner the ladies separately and question them when they least expected it. 

Perhaps, Garcia’s plan was going to work after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Feedback is always welcome!


	5. 4. The date

The Girls Night could be considered as somewhat of a success, yet Penelope Garcia still hadn’t achieved her goal. The fact that both women had admitted that they had slept with a woman was great progress, but she hadn’t dared to ask the question about their respective sexualities. 

After the Never Have I Ever game all three women realized how drunk they were and gradually retreated to bed. It was gradual, because it had taken some time to get to bed. JJ, being the drunkest of all three, stumbled over Emily’s furniture not once or twice, but three times. Then she had proceeded to throw up in the sink, which Garcia noted didn’t help JJ’s attempts to seem alluring to Emily. Very graceful. 

Emily had helped JJ brush her teeth and freshen up before going to the kitchen and not-so-secretly taking some more shot vodka shots with Garcia, who had not so-gracefully-either been wearing a bra and underwear. It was safe to say that it had been a wild night. 

She had wanted to see lady smooches, damnit. Then the night would have been perfect, but sadly Emily brought JJ to the guest room where Garcia was already soundly asleep.

‘Garcia, are you all right? Did you hear what I said?’ Rossi asked and Garcia was startled by him. She came back to reality and poured herself in some tea. 

‘Sorry, no, what were you saying? Late night last night.’ She said in one breath as she smiled sheepishly. 

‘So I heard. Did you succeed?’ Rossi wiggled his eyebrows at her with a sly smile on his face. 

‘How does everyone know? Did I miss a memo or was there a FBI issued email?’ Garcia all but shouted at nobody in particular.

‘Morgan told me, after I noticed that Reid, Morgan and you were up to something.’ Rossi explained and Garcia should have known. Morgan was the worst gossip of all of the FBI. This had advantages, as she got to know about the inner workings of each team at the FBI, but there were also the obvious downsides, such as him telling everybody about her plan. He deserved a slap. 

‘Why did I ever think I could hide anything from a bunch of profilers?’ Garcia asked herself out loud.

‘That’s your mistake, right there. Did you succeed, though?’ Rossi answered the rhetorical question. 

‘Almost.’ Garcia replied. 

‘What does that mean, Baby Girl?’ Her best friend said as he appeared out of nowhere with Spencer in tow. 

Garcia slapped Derek on the arm. The man yelped and started rubbing his arm dramatically. The baby, Garcia thought to herself, she hadn’t hit him that hard.

‘What was that for?’ Derek asked.

‘For being a snitch.’

‘Rossi would have waterboarded me. I had to break.’ This was met with a ‘hey’ from Rossi.

‘Rossi didn’t get the truth from me, Morgan.’ Spencer quipped. 

‘Thanks for the support, man.’ The two men smiled playfully at each other. Then Derek got over his “pain” and poured everyone except Garcia some coffee. Everyone knew what coffee could do to her. It was bad.

‘Well, you deserved it. What it means, to get back to the point, is that it almost worked. JJ was on the verge of telling the truth several times, but something was stopping her. I don’t know what our next course of action should be. Turns out I’m terrible at romance.’ Garcia pouted. 

‘Oh, Baby Girl. You can’t give up now!’

‘No, Garcia. The BAU needs this. JJ and Prentiss need this.’ Rossi added as he patted her on the shoulder in the ultimate fatherly way.

‘Okay, but what can we do?’ Garcia asked exasperatedly. 

‘I might have an idea.’ Spencer said softly, as if he wasn’t too sure of himself. 

‘Well, Wonder Boy, what is it?’ Derek raised his eyebrows in question.

‘I have been doing some research on classic romance tropes and I came across several interesting methods. One option could be an accidental date or the other could be a romantic trip to the woods.’ Spencer explained with intent.

‘I don’t how we could sell a romantic trip to the woods, but I do know the most romantic Italian restaurants. I took my second ex-wife there.’ Rossi added.

‘Why am I not surprised that you shoehorn something Italian into this conversation?’ Garcia rolled her eyes at Rossi’s comment.

‘What can I say? The food there is beautiful.’ He remarked with a big grin on his face. This man sometimes was comically Italian and Garcia loved him for it.

‘No, that might actually be great, Mama. I have the perfect plan. You set up a date with them for a dinner at that restaurant and then a movie. Though, last minute, like really last minute you cancel.’ The plan was forming in Garcia’s mind. This could work.

‘Can we go all James Bond on them and tail them? I want to see if it works.’ She asked excitedly.

‘Of course, we can.’ Rossi responded before he took a sip from his coffee.

‘Who is in?’ Garcia was practically bouncing at this point.

‘Well, not all of us can tail them, because that would be too obvious. One other person is allowed to join you.’ Rossi said. 

‘Why don’t you, Spencer? It was your idea after all.’ Morgen interjected. 

‘Are you sure, Morgan? I am not the most subtle person.’

‘Consider this part of your espionage training.’ He patted his friend on the back with a little more force than necessary, which caused Reid to stumble as he asked ‘What training?’. 

‘Never mind, just join Penelope on her adventure.’ Rossi added. 

‘All right, then. This should be interesting.’ Garcia shook her head, basically everything to this man was an anthropological experiment. Chaos would most definitely ensue. 

xxx

Everything was prepared and accounted for. Garcia had called in to make a reservation at the restaurant and Reid had picked up four tickets to the movie. They would find seats on the other side of the movie theater and had made sure to pick a popular movie, so they wouldn’t be noticed by their friends. Garcia had handed them their tickets earlier that afternoon with the excuse that she just wanted to be sure that she wouldn’t forget them. 

There was only one thing left to do. The time had come to cancel on JJ and Emily, who were already waiting inside the restaurant. Garcia and Spencer were sitting in Kevin’s car, their own cars being too well-known to their friends, outside the restaurant.

‘Let’s get this show on the road.’ Garcia said to Spencer who was watching their friends through a binocular. 

She dialed Emily’s number and it had barely run once and her friend had already answered.

‘Garcia, where are you? JJ and I have been here for 10 minutes already!’ Emily sounded slightly worried which made Garcia feel a little bad about lying, but this was just a little white lie. 

‘Oh, Em. I am so sorry, but Kevin has some sort of flu and I don’t want to leave him alone. I hate to cancel this late, but-‘ Emily cut her off to reassure her ‘It’s all right. We understand. Take care of him and JJ and I will enjoy ourselves.’

‘Again, I’m sorry. Have fun, Emily. Give my love to JJ.’ Garcia said sincerely. 

‘I will. Take care.’ Emily said before hanging up. Garcia couldn’t believe that Emily had actually believed her. Reid handed her another pair of binoculars and the two of them focused on their targets.

After a little while of what seemed like friendly conversation something interesting happened. Reid said, ‘Look, Penelope. They seem almost intimate.’ And Garcia nodded in agreement. She started to get excited as Emily and JJ leaned in a little closer than what could be considered platonic. 

‘I know, right. These ladies need to talk to each other.’ Garcia mumbled as she kept staring at their target.

‘It looks like they are talking. Based on their body language they seem rather comfortable in each other’s presence.’ Reid stated and Garcia wondered if the man was doing an anthropological study on everyone in the team.

‘Instead of body language, I want to see physical touching. Kiss, now!’ At this moment Garcia wished she had the ability to just smush their faces together, but she knew that the ladies had to do it on their own terms. Nobody wanted for Emily to go all vengeful on them, because the last time when Derek had played a prank on her had been rather traumatic for everyone. 

‘You have developed an interesting fascination in their relationship.’ Reid startled her out of her thoughts and Garcia answered ‘Stop psychoanalyzing me, Spencer.’ Garcia scoffed at the accusation, though there was some truth in it. The plan had no nefarious intentions, but she simply wanted her friends to be happy. 

‘Psychoanalyzing has been proven an invalid method of studying and explaining human behavior, Garcia.’ Of course, he would throw the facts in her face and she loved him for it.

‘Oh shut it, Freud.’ 

‘Look!’ Garcia shouted and she witnessed something truly incredible. JJ and Emily hugged each other. After so many weeks of scheming this felt like a victory. Reid, however, apparently wanted to destroy all the things that made her happy and said, ‘This could be simply be a platonic hug.’

‘Don’t rain on my parade, Reid.’ She slapped him on this shoulder.

‘Ow. Morgan were right. You are stronger than you look, but okay.’ Garcia smiled triumphantly.

xxx 

Nothing else of note had happened for the remainder of the dinner, but Garcia had high hopes for the cinema, though it would be more difficult to spy on them. Reid and Garcia had followed the women to the cinema and made their way to their respective seats on the other side of the room. They could just make JJ and Emily out from their seats on the left side of the room. Spencer had had the bright idea to purchase two massive bags of popcorn and jumbo coke’s which provided them with a great hiding method. 

‘Did I mention that I hate coke?’ Garcia muttered as sipped her drink. The trailers had just started and it seemed like the next best forgettable movie of the summer. 

‘Why didn’t you get Dr Pepper instead?’ Reid asked while watching the trailers with mild interest and remarked ‘These movies seem so generic. Aren’t communist Sci-Fi movies popular?’

‘I don’t know. I just panicked. By the way, are you aware of the fact that you are a nerd?’

‘Look at this movie. It simply has a generic story of an overly masculine guy wanting to be in a relationship with a Manic Pixie Dream Girl. There are so many movies which explore - ‘ Reid was interrupted by Garcia who said, ‘I know you always talk movies with Prentiss, but we have to focus on our task.’ Reid nodded in understanding with a small frown, which made him look like the saddest puppy dog. 

‘Rain check on the Manic Pictionary Dream Girl, though.’ Garcia said, feeling a bit guilty about the harshness of her comment.

‘Manic Pixie Dream Girl, but sounds good.’ He corrected her with a cheeky smile and Garcia rolled her eyes at him, knowing that he was playing her a little bit.

‘Nerd.’ The movie commenced and the room gradually became quiet.

‘Wait, Garcia. Are they leaning on each other?’ Spencer said a little bit too loudly.

‘Oh, yes!’ Garcia exclaimed in joy, dropping some popcorn on the floor by accident in her excitement. 

‘Never mind, those are two different people.’ Spencer remarked as they were shushed by their surrounding moviegoers. They looked at each other sheepishly and silently watched the movie as well as spied on their friends. 

This might have been the perfect first date for JJ and Emily, but Garcia hated that she couldn’t properly spy on them. She needed to know the details and see their interactions, so this date didn’t work out too well for her. Garcia needed to get all the schemers together, because she knew she was close to breaking down Emily and JJ’s barriers. It was time for that kiss.

Ethics and privacy laws be damned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are over halfway now! The rest of the gang is joining Garcia's scheming and hijinks will ensue in the next chapter!
> 
> I hope you are enjoying the fic. I'm having a great time writing it :)
> 
> Feedback is always welcome!


	6. 5. Trapped in a closet

5\. Trapped in the closet

Several days had passed and nothing had changed. Garcia was, once again, in the little kitchenette making herself a cup of tea. There was no change in her friends’ behavior and Garcia was rather disappointed. She had hoped this would have been the perfect moment for JJ and Emily to realize their big lesbian love for one another.

Emily entered the room with an empty coffee cup in her hand. Garcia greeted her friend and moved out of the way so Emily could make herself a cup of coffee.

‘How’s Kevin?’ Emily asked casually.

‘He is fine, why?’ Garcia was confused for a moment.

‘Well, you said he was ill, wasn’t he?’ Garcia wanted to slap herself for forgetting her lie. 

‘Oh, yeah, of course. I’m a dufus for forgetting. After an hour or two he felt fine again.’ Hopefully, Emily would buy her obvious lie, but she didn’t sound very convincing. Emily sipped her coffee and smiled suspiciously. 

‘I’m glad to hear that.’ Emily didn’t believe her at the slightest, that much was clear to Garcia. So, this called for the big guns, she had to embarrass herself in front of her friend. This was going to be painful, but she had to run with it.

‘Actually, I have to come clean about something. Kevin sort of seduced me and we had, what one could call, a passionate night as lovers. I’m so sorry, I should have told you about this.’ Garcia’s cheeks reddened as she put on her trademark sly smile, this was truly mortifying. Emily laughed loudly and said ‘Oh Garcia, never change. Don’t worry about it. I hope you and Kevin enjoyed yourselves.’. 

‘We definitely did. I will spare you the details for once. How was your evening with JJ? Did you have any fun?’ Garcia sighed in relief, but now it was her time to strike. Time to get all the juicy details. 

‘Yeah, we had a lovely time. The restaurant was great, but the movie was horrible!’ Emily said excitedly.

‘Oh, really?’ Garcia asked not-so-innocently.

‘Yeah, the plot was so boring, and the characters were incredibly one dimensional.’ The dark-haired woman explained as she put her now empty coffee mug in the sink. 

‘That’s a shame. I hope you and JJ had a good time without me, though.’ Emily smiled briefly as she said, ‘We did. Anyway, shall we go to the briefing? I think Hotch needs us.’ Garcia turned around to see Hotch beckoning everyone to the conference room. 

‘Yeah, let’s do that.’ The woman was disappointed that she hadn’t gathered more information, but she had to remain inconspicuous. If Emily or JJ noticed her nefarious lesbian plans the entire plan wouldn’t work. Garcia sighed as she followed Emily to the conference room. Being all secretive and CIA-like had turned out to be quite tough. 

***

‘Privacy violations? No, what about Garcia rights violations. We need this to happen. This is a matter of national security.’ Garcia crossed her arms defiantly as she frowned at Spencer, Rossi and Morgan. The four of them were discussing possible plans, but Garcia was desperate at this point. If even a date didn’t work out, then it was time for the big guns. Like, bazooka level of guns. 

‘The CIA would be proud.’ Rossi said with a beaming smile. 

‘This plan is insane, Garcia. Even for you.’ Morgan shook his head in disbelief.

‘Thank you, Rossi. At least you support me.’ Garcia smiled sweetly at her colleague. She had to admit to herself that this plan was a bit on the psycho side of the spectrum, but desperate times call for desperate measures. And compared to the psychos they dealt with on a daily basis, Garcia’s plan, in fact, almost seemed innocent.

‘Well, technically, if we don’t use microphones it’s allowed.’ Spencer added, he hadn’t approved or disapproved of Garcia’s plan. Even though, he had seemed a bit on the fence about this plan he was always helpful in providing the facts and legalities. Garcia loved him for that. Her own personal computer with the gentlest of souls.

‘Besides trapping them in a storage closet?’ Derek asked incredulously. 

‘Hotness don’t be a hater. Let’s put it to a vote.’ Garcia quipped. 

‘All right, who votes for this crazy plan of trapping our colleagues. Our friends. In a storage closet to get them together.’ Rossi, Garcia and even Reid raised their hands. Garcia clapped her hands excitedly and exclaimed ‘Operation: Come Out of the Closet is a go.’

‘Oh my god, it’s like we are back in high school.’ Derek rolled his eyes and exited the room, obviously done with their shenanigans. 

‘I never did anything like this in high school.’ Spencer added softly. Garcia felt a pang of sadness for her friend, but she realized that he was happy, and he had friends now. That’s all that mattered and all she could control. The past was, unfortunately, unchangeable for them all. 

‘You are going to experience high school drama, right now, my friend.’ Rossi said and winked at Spencer. Garcia was less subtle than that and wrapped Spencer in a bear hug. She needed to show him that he was loved. How could anyone hate this man?

‘Let’s get the plan ready.’ Garcia’s said and smiled kindly at him when they let go of each other. 

***

‘Are you certain that this will not result in our untimely demise?’ Morgan asked as he and Garcia were going over the plan one final time. The storage closet had been rigged with a hidden camera and Reid had tampered with the lock, so it could only be opened from the outside. Garcia had to admit that she was just a tad bit terrified of JJ and Emily’s reaction. The BAU might be called for an internal case after Emily escaped the closet. 

‘I make no such promises.’ Derek rolled his eyes at his friend. 

‘Thanks for reassuring me, mama.’

‘You love me.’ Garcia teased him with a smile. 

‘I’d do anything for you, Baby Girl.’ The wonderful Derek Morgan was in charge of trapping the two women, which had proven to be a difficult task in itself. The plan was simple, really. Derek would ask both women to help him search for some files in the closet and after several minutes he would step out and close the door by accident. Then he would claim the door was stuck and the door was reinforced with metal, as a result of it being inside the FBI building. The current plan was rather rudimentary, but there had been other plans which had consisted of intricate traps. 

‘Are we ready for this?’

‘I don’t think we will ever be, Chocolate Thunder.’

‘The camera is hidden. They shouldn’t notice it when they are in the room, especially because the room isn’t that well-lit.’ Reid joined his two friends in Garcia’s office after doing a final inspection of the storage closet. Everything was set. 

‘Let’s do this and hopefully we get some kisses out of this.’ Garcia checked her impeccable camera view for one final time and walked up to her colleague. There was nothing she could do anymore, it all depended on Derek’s ability to lock them up. 

‘If this goes south then I am blaming you, Doll Face.’ It was obvious to Garcia that the man was a tad bit nervous, but she would never call him out for that. Everyone was a little bit afraid of Emily and JJ, but it was worth it. 

‘If this goes south then we all need to relocate to Canada. That includes you.’ Garcia pecked Morgan on the cheek as he started to leave the room. It was time. 

***

40 minutes later

‘So, why did you ever think this was a good idea?’ Morgan asked, his voice was almost a whisper. 

‘I never claimed it was a good one. A desperate one, perhaps.’ Garcia frowned at the scene in front of her. Of all the things she had anticipated, this was not one of them.

‘Emily is going to kill us, isn’t she?’ Morgan crossed his arms and nodded at Rossi who was watching the feed with a worried look.

‘The chances are increasing as we speak.’ Reid added, his face was pale, and he almost looked pained. 

‘I’m still blaming it on all of you.’ Morgan deadpanned. 

‘Maybe there’s a way we can make this better.’ Garcia commented. The four colleagues were staring at the video feed and all of them could safely say that this operation had been more than a failure. An epic failure to put it in the mildest terms. 

‘Garcia, Emily has been pounding on the door for the last half an hour and she hasn’t stopped yet. They also fought for about 10 minutes and I am pretty sure Emily has called me twenty times.’

‘Ok, it’s hopeless.’ Garcia reluctantly admitted. The moment that the door had ‘accidentally’ closed the shit had hit the fan. This couldn’t have been more of a disaster. 

‘I should answer my cell. It’s time to release them.’ Morgan exited the room and Garcia sighed deeply. Maybe it was time to give up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it has taken me so long to update! Life got in the way and I simply didn't have the time/energy to write, but don't worry I am dedicated to finish this work of...which might be considered crackfic at this point!
> 
> There's one chapter and an epilogue left, so we are close to the ending. I have to say thank you to all those people who have commented or left kudos on this work. You guys motivate me to keep writing!


	7. +1 Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are! The final chapter of this story!
> 
> Have fun reading!

+1 Confession

Garcia was sitting in her office. For some reason it felt gloomier than usual. Perhaps it was the case that had ended badly in combination with Garcia giving up on her schemes. She knew she was allowing herself to be the party master of her own pity-party, but she would allow herself to wallow in her failure for at least another day. Apparently, her one true love, Derek Morgan disagreed with her assessment. The man entered her office and smiled sweetly at Garcia. 

‘What’s with the long face, Baby Mama?’ He said as he handed her a Styrofoam cup with a delicious smelling chamomile tea which she accepted gratefully. 

‘Oh nothing, except my epic failure.’ Garcia sighed dramatically and pouted at her best friend. 

‘Mama, you tried. If you put up a banner saying “Emily and JJ are in love. Now kiss!” they would still deny their feelings for one another. It’s hopeless.’ Garcia would never admit it to anyone, but part of her wanted to try that approach, however, the memory of Emily yelling at Hotch for the supposedly broken door was still fresh in her memory. 

Reid and Morgan had quickly gone to get coffee and Garcia was convinced that Rossi had locked himself in another storage closet. It truly had been a disaster. 

‘I just wanted to make them happy.’ Garcia said dejectedly. 

‘I know, lover. But there are some things you simply cannot do.’ Derek kissed Garcia on her head and added ‘We should go out tonight. Dinner is on me.’

‘Oh, Hot Chocolate, you know how to make a woman feel good about herself.’

***

The next day Garcia found herself making tea, yet again, in the kitchenette when Emily walked in. There seemed to be something different about her. She seemed determined and she was heading straight to Garcia, not even pretending that she had casually run into her friend. 

Garcia started to get really nervous. What if Emily had found out and was furious at her? She definitely appeared serious. 

‘Hey, Garcia. I was hoping to talk to you.’ Emily stated as she poured herself a coffee. Garcia knew there was no escape and knew she was defeated.

‘Hi Em, sure. What’s up.’ Garcia was aware that her friend could see through her faked composure.

‘Garcia, I’m going to cut right to it, are you in love with JJ?’ Emily asked. Garcia almost dropped her favorite tea mug in shock.

‘Uhm, excuse me?’ Out of all the questions this wasn’t one she had prepared for. For a second Garcia wondered if Emily was pulling her leg, however, the dead-serious expression on her face told another story. 

‘I see what you are doing, you know.’ Emily continued, ‘First the secret admirer, then the shopping incident. Every time I look at you, I catch you staring at JJ. I am your friend, you know. You can talk to me.’ To make matters worse Morgan, Hotch, Rossi, JJ and Reid entered the room, but Emily apparently hadn’t noticed. Her colleagues didn’t say anything but silently observed the interaction in front of them. JJ frowned in confusion and Garcia wanted to die right at that very moment.

‘Oh. My. God.’ This conversation was spinning out of control and Garcia had no idea what to say or do about it. 

‘It’s all right. I understand. JJ is a very beautiful woman and I understand that you would develop feelings for her.’ Emily added, ignoring Garcia. She evidently wanted to get everything of her chest.

‘This is not happening.’ Garcia mumbled 

‘Don’t worry. I won’t tell her.’ Emily reassured her friend. Morgan wiggled his eyebrows at JJ and Rossi put his hand in front of Reid’s mouth to bar him from ruining the moment. Hotch was smiling smugly at Garcia. All of them were obviously amused by Garcia’s torture. This was what hell must look like Garcia thought to herself. 

‘Ok, Emily. You need to listen to me very carefully.’ Emily nodded sincerely and Garcia continued, ‘First of all, all our colleagues are standing behind us,’ Emily’s eyes widened in horror as she turned around to check.

‘Worst FBI agent ever, Prentiss.’ Morgan deadpanned. 

Garcia sighed deeply as all of their friends were anticipating her next move and she added, ‘Secondly, I love JJ, but I’m not in love with JJ.’ Garcia made eye contact with JJ who winked at her in return.

‘OK, but why would you do all this then?’

‘Finally, I did all of this, and I take full responsibility for all of it, because I wanted to get you and JJ to see how much in love you guys are with each other.’ Garcia silently wished she had tried the banner suggestion after all. That would have been less excruciating for sure.   
For a moment nobody dared to say or do anything, but then JJ started laughing as Emily stood frozen staring at Garcia. 

‘Emily, it’s all right. Just tell her.’ JJ stepped forward and put her hand on Emily’s shoulder. 

‘Tell me what?’ Garcia whispered, surprised that she hadn’t been murdered yet. 

‘Garcia, JJ and I are a couple. We have been together for almost half a year now.’ Garcia’s mind was blank, and she could only compare her brain’s processes to blue screening at the moment. 

‘You’re shitting me.’ Morgan commented. Reid’s mouth was agape, and Rossi was shaking his head. 

‘We didn’t tell you or anyone else because we wanted to make sure it would last. Neither of us wanted to risk our careers for something that might be trivial.’ JJ explained to the group with a small blush on her cheeks. 

‘Oh.’ Garcia could only gape at the women. 

‘Sorry for not telling you.’ Emily smiled sympathetically at their friends. 

‘Damn ladies, you two know how to keep a secret.’ Morgan said as he winked at Emily. 

‘Yeah, if I ever need anyone to keep a secret, I know who to talk to.’ Rossi added as he patted a confused Spencer on his arm. 

Garcia managed to snap herself out of her shock and hugged JJ and Emily and exclaimed, ‘I’m so happy for you guys! You deserve all the happiness.’

‘This calls for a celebration. Dinner at my house tonight!’ Rossi never needed an excuse to cook them food, but this was the perfect occasion for it. Everyone nodded and Rossi started working on a grocery list immediately. 

‘I don’t want to ruin anything, but we have got work to do. We will celebrate tonight.’ Hotch stated softly. 

‘Yes, let’s go over all of this tonight. I need to know all the details! I can’t believe I spent weeks on trying to get you guys to get together…and all this time you were together already.’

‘Wait a second. The storage closet? That was you?’ Emily asked in disbelief. 

If anyone later asked what happened next, every member of the BAU would have given a different testimony. But what it all boiled down to, was that Garcia had fled the room and Emily had spent the next hour trying to track her down to no avail. 

***  
A few hours later everyone was gathered around Rossi’s massive dinner table in his garden. JJ was busy telling the story of how they had gotten together, excited that she was finally allowed to tell everyone about it.

Several months ago, JJ and Emily had run into each other at a lesbian bar, which had led to them coming out to each other and talking about life in general. After a few drinks, JJ had slipped up and told Emily that she found her attractive and one thing had led to another from there. 

‘Time to cash in people. Did anyone win?’ Morgan exclaimed as Emily and JJ had finished their story. 

‘You bet on us?’ Emily asked incredulously. 

‘Wait, who was in on it?’ JJ added as she glared at all her friends. 

‘Everyone.’ Spencer said with a slight smile on his face. 

‘So, who won?’ Rossi asked curiously.

For a moment nobody said anything, but then Hotch said with a rare smile on his face, ‘I did.’ 

‘Sir – you knew?’ JJ asked in shock.

‘It is my job to know, JJ.’ Garcia’s brain could not process the twists and turns of this day anymore. Honestly, at this point she wasn’t even surprised anymore

‘So, I haven’t asked yet, but is our relationship going to be a problem for the BAU?’ Emily asked as suddenly the table grew quiet in anticipation to Hotch’s response.

‘No, and if I get any complaints then I can use this half a year as an example, because your relationship didn’t affect your work performance. Nobody in the team, excluding me, had even noticed. We do have to have a meeting about this with Strauss, but I don’t foresee any problems with her.’ Hotch explained.

‘Thank you, sir! You have no idea how happy I am!’ JJ beamed and she kissed Emily. Garcia and Morgan cheered them on like teenagers and Emily rolled her eyes at them in annoyance, but she couldn’t hide her smile from anyone.

‘Wait a second, Hotch you won like 500 bucks!’ Morgan said in realization.

‘Yes, I am aware of this. So, it’s time to pay up.’ He motioned his hands as everyone opened their wallets and handed their share of the money to their boss. 

Garcia sighed happily as she could not have asked for a better end result to these last few weeks of mayhem. 

‘So, lover, next time we need to play match maker we start with a banner, right.’ Garcia whispered to Morgan as the others started talking about something else. 

‘Sounds like a plan, Mama.’ The two of them deviously smiled at each other and then joined the conversation. 

The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my story. I really hope you liked it :D
> 
> The feedback/comments/kudos that I received really pushed me to keep going and to finish the story.


End file.
